I know what you’re probably thinking: “hey, those are some great ideas! I’d definitely pay for that!” — And that’s the problem. I don’t think Facebook should take its social responsibility lightly. We have entrusted it with the most intimate of details and status updates. We have uploaded the most compromising of photos. We’ve rallied behind unpopular political groups, followed embarrassing trends and memes, drunk-poked ugly people and even donated to a number of cancer drives. At its epitome of success, for Facebook to turn its back on us now would be a devastating blow to the reproductive culture of our generation and the social fabric by which we all live.

For these reasons and more, I urge the United States Government to intervene before it is too late. Facebook should be government regulated to ensure that no single corporation (let alone privately held company) have this much power over the youth of today. If you think my proposal is over-the-top, just imagine how many lives Facebook will destroy if it suddenly decides to close operations and shutdown. Couples would break up, infidelity would reach epidemic levels and no one would know what their friends were up to.

Adieu. Navid.

I’m going to have to come up with some preliminary mock ups and drafts. Hmm, I wonder if I can patent, let alone sell, this brilliant idea. Would you buy a lowercase number? I would. I’d probably buy at least six.

Adieu. Navid.

This is how it works… as the name implies… it’s basically a baby rental business. However, it’s amazing since it’s a win/win from a business standpoint. There are two fronts to this business and this is why it’s going to be a big money maker:

1. The front-end: this includes general baby rental options and guarantees. Basically, we provide a baby for a family, a customer, a couple and whatnot for decided amount of time. Customers can browse through hundreds of baby pictures and select a premium baby of their choice. They can buy options of such as insurance and roadside assistance. They may do what they wish with the baby as long as it’s legal and poses no threat or danger to the baby. We will not rent to known cannibals.
2. The back-end: this includes the general baby-sitting services. A loving mother or father fill out several application forms and enclose several headshots to determine the baby’s going rate. Once this is determined, as well as, the timeline of the contract, the parents are notified if a ‘sitter’ is found. The parents of the baby are then paid for their services.

Therefore, not only are the parents happy because they are being paid to have their baby babysat, but also, the loving caretakers who desire to be short-term parents’ can, without the awkwardness of playing ‘koochi’ with a fat baby in the mall next to the fountain, enjoy babies in all their glory. We make this possible. We are Gods among men.

Imagine a loving couple that must pretend or desire a baby for a family or high school reunion. Imagine newlyweds wondering if they are prepared for parenthood. Imagine tired mothers who just want some extra cash to hit the mall or finish decorating the den. Now, anyone can enjoy the luxury of having a baby without the hassle of birth or maintenance cost.

Remember, you heard it here first.

Adieu. Navid.