I need you now more than ever

Every man gets to a point in his life where he realizes that more than a good friend, a good lady and a bottle of Pinot Gris, he needs a good accountant. If you think finding the The One^tm is hard, just wait until you try to find the right accountant.

I want an Ivy League educated accountant that I can call at three in the morning from a Vegas casino and slur a plea for him to transfer some funds over to an undisclosed checking account. I want him to be well fed and wear glasses. He needs to drink scotch in the afternoons and play golf on the weekends. While he’s thinking deeply, I want him to take off his glasses and rub the bridge of his nose. He must have brilliant epiphanies and political connections.

I want him to grow frustrated at the lack of my apparent effort to keep my nose clean and out of trouble; always reminding me that I can do better. I want him to have a beautiful wife. He must drive a German car that’s perpetually in the shop. I want him to be a good family friend that knows all my dirty laundry. I want him to always know a guy that knows a guy. Experience dealing with international extortion laws is also a big plus.

Besides that, though, I have no other requirements.

Adieu. Navid.