The Love Of Your Life Is In An Open Relationship

It has come to my attention that judging by the past four or five entries, most people might be under the impression that I can no longer write about anything other than Facebook and Infidelity. In large part, this is true. My creative juices (read: diet coke and heroin) have been running low and the only thing that keeps me sane outside of work and school is the fascination I have with people (Facebook) and relationships (infidelity). However, for the sake of this entry and my reputation, I have decided to drift away from the aforementioned individual topics and delve into another, and completely unrelated, interest of mine: Facebook Relationships.

There are few things in life which make me happier than realizing one of my friends has changed their relationship status. I personally prefer breakups — not just because I am an asshole — but because they are generally bittersweet. You have to understand that changing one’s relationship status on Facebook is almost like etching the fate of two star-crossed lovers in molten lava. It’s the next step of breakup. There’s the breakup, and then there’s the official Facebook breakup. I like to call it Breakup 2.0.

I am particularly fond of Facebook breakups because it gives relationship voyeurs like myself the chance to peg each couple’s demise down to a specific time. This was never possible in Breakup 1.0 unless you were fortunate enough to be present or be listening on the phone. I usually — correction — incessantly refresh the page to catch the “single-ization” of one’s profile. You know, they usually start off by changing their profile picture and slowly un-tagging themselves out of those once cute happy couple portraits. If they were ever really in love, they even remove one another from their “Interests” section. But what does a Facebook relationship (or lack thereof) mean anyway?

Relationships, like any other social aspect of human behavior, are complex and difficult to define. It has taken sociologists, psychologists and women decades to analyze, understand and even accept paradigms for discussing and comparing relationships. However, the Facebook Gods took it upon themselves to define all relationships into six distinct categories. Your options only include: Single, In A Relationship, Engaged, Married, In An Open Relationship, and It’s Complicated. Oh, and lest we not forget the ever nebulous “NO SELECTION” which simply hides the criteria from your profile… though often times giving more away than you probably had anticipated.

Open Relationship? What does that even mean? The relationship is open to interpretation? The relationship is open for a third party? The relationship is open for destruction? The relationship is open under creative licenses? In fact, it doesn’t even matter. The only people whom are listed in open relationships are female friends who think it’s cute and endearing. I never really understood its charm. If you find yourself in love with a girl who is listed as in an open relationship with another female, cut your losses and move on. This one is trouble and chances are she’s trying to avoid the entire commitment thing altogether.

Then again, what do I know?

Adieu. Navid.

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Published:
06.27.07 / 11pm
Category:
Facebook, Relationships