OMG, DIE!

Do you know what I hate? When someone will talk to you online and start off the conversation with a formal greeting and then not even wait for a response before barraging you with an onslaught of unfunny anecdotes riddled with broken grammar and poor English. Exhibit A:

Note: The name of the innocent have been changed for their own protection.

Jackass 007 69: how r u?
[navid azimi has started typing a message]
Jackass 007 69: last night jaared craig and me went to the strip club, yo!!
Jackass 007 69: and then
Jackass 007 69: we went to Murdocks
Navid Azimi: I’m doing quite well thank you. It’s been rough these days with the weather being a little down under but I seem to be managing quite well otherwise. I must admit, however, that assimilating into the corporate world has taken its physical toll on me. But enough about myself, how are you?
Jackass 007 69: he fucking jizzed his pants ! dude! it was HILyaruas
Jackass 007 69: oh im okay
Jackass 007 69: ur graduated?
Navid Azimi: I graduated last year. And I moved to Seattle…
Jackass 007 69: ohhohoh1!! damn east coast ryderz1
Navid Azimi: Seattle is actually on the west coast. It’s in Washington.
Jackass 007 69: i got a aunt down there
Jackass 007 69: but
Jackass 007 69: i thnk
Jackass 007 69: shes in prison, yo
Jackass 007 69: hah
Jackass 007 69: aahahaa
Navid Azimi: That’s quite unfortunate. I’m sorry to hear that.
[approximately ten minutes later]
Jackass 007 69: did i tell u i was at a strip club
Jackass 007 69: fuck man it was so funny

Then, of course, we always have the ever elusive hit and run then deny candidates. Somehow, they just make me want to strangle myself. I present you Exhibit B:

HitAndRunGrrl87: you there?
[three seconds later]
Navid Azimi: yeah, what’s up?
[fourty-six minutes later]
Navid Azimi: um, hello?
HitAndRunGrrl87: what?
[navid azimi slams head against keyboard, repeatedly]

Exhibit C:

xxDeathForMePlzxx: hey
Navid Azimi: hey
[xxDeathForMePlzxx has signed off]
Navid Azimi: fuck you and die.
[Error: Message could not be delivered]

I suppose this time it worked out for the best.

Last, but certainly not least, we have the non-English speaking spammers who think I am some sort AIM bot. Or maybe they are? Hrmph.

baskoli@hotmail.com: tung de oths si kzosck mi tar
Navid Azimi: Do you have stairs in your house?
baskoli@hotmail.com: tung
Navid Azimi: Do you speak English?
baskoli@hotmail.com: ok
baskoli@hotmail.com: tung
[navid azimi closes the conversation window]
[thirteen seconds later]
baskoli@hotmail.com: tung!!

Tell me about your most unsatisfying online conversations or cyber-sex scenarios. Actually, hold the cyber-sex scenarios I’m not interested you sicko.

Adieu. Navid.