How much did you say?

I can divide the past twenty years of my life into a handful of economic epiphanies which have enabled and paved the way for me to adopt an entirely new perspective on life. In fact, I can distinctly recall my first affair with economics too; I was at an international airport — stuck on a layover for something ridiculous like 15 hours — and all I wanted was some chocolate. I wandered around the glossy marble floors and dodged the entourage of janitors until I found myself in front of the unmistakable gift shop. You can always spot the gift shops by their security system: a hundred pillars of postcards blocking every imaginable angle to the store. I found my way in and moseyed through the aisles looking at all the totally useless crap available; the giant felt Elephant, the latest bestselling romance novel, I ♥ Guantanamo Mobay magnets and tiny pebble-sized bibles — basically, everything you would never ask for was available in that gift shop.

I was so consumed at the wide array of self help books that I had almost forgotten my original mission: the chocolate bar. I walked around to the front of the store and located the designated candy and chocolate bar subdivision. I located my preferred variety, reached down and picked it up. I rotated the bar in my hands, glancing at the nutritional value (and pretending to read it) and generally inspecting the chocolate bar for any abrasions, needle marks or that special “one-in-two-billion wins” promotional offer. Once I was sufficiently pleased with my selection, I stepped back and looked at the price. To my sudden dismay, the chocolate bar was priced at $3.95! That delectable taste of chocolate sank straight out of my mouth and filled my heart with anguish and betrayal. How could this be? This wasn’t even King sized. Who would do such a thing? I returned to my uncomfortable metal chair at Terminal 2: beaten, betrayed and hungry. I glanced at my watch in reassurance…. its okay, only fourteen and a half hours to go.

I think we’ve all been there and could cite hundreds, if not thousands, of more examples. Like the first time I was parched at an amusement park and an 8oz bottle of water was $4.50 + tax + one (1) left arm. Hell, at that price, it was more cost effective to simply take the water rides hoping to catch a few drops at the bottom.

Anyway, this story had a point. This entire recollection had a purpose. Indeed, there have been several items throughout my life whose cost has simply eluded me. Year after year, as I have scurried along the age ladder, I find myself adding new items to this imaginary list. So, I need a washer and dryer in my new home. Having never bought a washer or dryer previously, I really didn’t know what to expect. I did what anyone else in my situation would do and headed on over to Sears Online Catalog to learn a little more about my would-be purchase. What did I find? Yes, that’s right another economic epiphany.

I calmly waited for the website to load. For a moment I looked a little confused and double checked to make sure I was really only buying a washer and dryer… and not, say… solid blocks of 24k gold. I mean seriously, what the fuck? Anyway, I added them to my list.

Adieu. Navid.