Quenya and I: A Quarter in Synopsis

Here at navid azimi dot com, we strive not only for the highest level of professionalism but we also know how to have a little fun. Okay, a lot of fun. But that’s exactly the point of this update. I want you — my avid readers — to really understand who I am; after all isn’t that the philosophical idea behind running your own unpopular blog? I twist and shout every time one of my six readers decides to take time out of their busy schedule and grace my comments box with their two cents. It really makes my heart feel special.

With the conclusion of Winter Quarter (2005), I have finished uploading all the new photos from this past quarter. We took 150+ pictures the past week alone so it should be relatively entertaining. You can check the insanity here. This entry is going to give you a little glimpse into the wacky world that is me and the dorms of Quenya which I frequent oh so often. Meanwhile, I will attempt to pay tribute to the wonderful peoples of the Quenyan Dorms who have taken me in with such great hospitality. I sincerely apologize in advance for the insanity that you are about to read.

It has often been said that the beginning is always a good place to start. And that’s where we are going to start. When Brit and I first stepped into the Halls of Quenya, we have a bad feeling in the pit of our stomach. Having come from a terrible freshman experience with a couple of Ruler and Sprite Nazis, there was no question that we didn’t really get along with people who decided to, you know, follow the rules. But being young and promiscuous Brit and I started accepting friends freely. We were all a happy family for a while but to make a long story short, there was a big bang and apartheid was born. The revolution left Britni, Danny and I as the sole survivors. The trio began and bonds were made. However, like a snowball that rolls down the hill, we grew bigger and bigger. I will attempt to profile each member and their aspect of participation.

First and foremost, I must extend the courtesy to my one and only hostess, Britni Falter. She is by most regards the Leader of the Pack. If Britni is not there, it’s not happening. You can often times find Britni frolicking about the hallways and making funny faces at the camera. She can easily be identified by the infamous Diet Coke Cock © can at hand — and — Bebe ® sport pants on the butt. She considers laughing a full-contact sport and can be heard cackling with her mouth wide open from as far as schfifty yards away. She is my favorite.

Second in command is Danny “Coots” Chammas. Member of the Original Quenyan Del Trio, Danny likes to do karate kicks and hand-stands against the wall (we have video to prove it!). His favorite position is the reverse cowgirl — but admits to have never tried it. He likes to cheat in Trivial Pursuit by either giving answers away (South Park) or getting help from Britni Shut Your Mouf (The Outsiders). Danny also sports his latest old people sunglasses © and considers Laci to be his “girl” and Connor to be his “boi.” He is a constant source of amazing stories and entertainment. Fifty Nuts. It should also be noted that almost all the craziness takes place at his humble abode or his adjacent hallway. He is also the owner of THE Super Nintendo that we often times play intoxicated. I’d also like to take this opportunity to personally thank Danny for being Britni’s second boyfriend and splitting the burden which is keeping Penis Fly Trap happy and fulfilled.

Democratic Dave (aka OnlyChildSyndromePosterChild): Although he prefers to go by the name Purple Wedge; David Gifford is quite the character. He is part British and we love him for that. He enjoys coffee and the arts — but you can’t expect too much from the Bay Area peeps. He does a fantastic job of juggling his Mesa Court days and his Middle Earth nights. He is always a source of entertaining political jabber and can quote SNL in his sleep while answering Sports Trivia at the same time (only if the answer is the Giants). We cannot imagine a life without his rhetoric and deeply philosophical dispositions. Dave has quickly become an integral part of the Krew. He also privately asked me to mention that he is by no stretch of the imagination a racist (in case there was any confusion). Dave is most well known for his infinite supply and variety of Diet Coke Cock ©. He has thereby naturally become the fourth member of the FabFour.

Nicole “Cunt” Cunt doesn’t actually live in Quenya but she is practically our own homegrown RA. In fact, she actually is on Middle Earth staff (that’s right, we got the hook ups!) but nobody really knows what she does (and partly because nobody gives a shit). Nicole is nice enough never to try and explain her integral role in the Middle Earth community since we, as a whole, avoid every social activity there is and more. Nicole is blatantly in love with me and I really can’t blame her. I’m too sexy. She is a fountain of joy and a mathematical genius — always good for a laugh and her gentle heart can even make a grown-man cry. She’s always threatening to beat me up but I know it’s just because she wants to touch my body — and I’m ok with that. Nicole can only be found with Meaghan and Eric. I have never seen her isolated though I assume it would be just a terrible sight. I have theories about their secret love-triangle but exploring them in this entry would be a breach in privacy — it needs its own entire entry later down the road.

Meaghan “Does Eric” McLaughlin: This sweet girl from Riverside is always entertaining to quip back and forth about the War on Iraq and the people of the Middle East. Her sheer desire to learn is impeccable and for that we give her an A. Meaghan can often times be found naked here and there, a totally “Republican thing to do” as Democratic Dave would put it. Side note: Meaghan, like Nicole, also wants to do me. But it should be noted that as of 04/13/2005, Meaghan publicly withdrew her red-state support in vigor of independence. And that’s cool with us as long as you don’t tell her parents.

“Downstairs” Sarah (because she lives downstairs) recently joined as the newest Quenya resident and has impressed all but none with her intelligible art work and fancypants knack for design. She is a political science major like Democratic Dave but doesn’t really go into depth regarding her political stance: except that she wants to legalize marijuana ASAP. Sarah is a little punkass white girl from Compton and if your name is Pancho, Paco or Iglacious… I’ll send you her way. Otherwise, stay away. If you have any questions about tools, Sears or um, tools … you can definitely go to her with that too. Double Points if your name is Rodriguez.

Eric “Bristol Farms” SomethingOrOther works at Bristol Farms and pretends to be in Honors. He has a sick bicycle and likes to listen to his music exceptionally loud. Fortunately for us, his taste in music is not half bad. Therefore, in actuality Eric provides the residents of Quenya musical entertainment. And for that, Bristol Farms Boy, we salute you. I am sure there is plenty more I can say about Eric but he’s just a good kid. And that’s all you need to know.

Last but certainly not least, I’d like to extend a warm thank you to “Across the Hallway” Thao — whom has without a missing a beat — kept up with my daily ramblings on this ill forsaken website. Thao, you really need to start commenting and letting your voice be heard. But seriously, thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it. Thao is probably the kindest of the Quenyan residents – hardly ever – making too much noise. She is polite and forgiving. And for that, we love her. If only ALL neighbors were as cool as Thao (insert evil stare in the direction of Eleanor “I Got Duty Line on Speed Dial” Witch).

Also shout-outs to non-Quenyan folk (like me) who frequent the palace frequently enough to me mentioned:

David “Yambo Yack” Rayhan will forever be regarded as the Jewish George Lopez of Quenya. His one-liners and stone-cold pimp attitude have earned him quite the memorable reputation. Rumor has it that he has “hit it and quit it” several of first-floor girls including but not limited to… all of them. David is always a brilliant source of both useful medical and urban information — making him the most wanted Jewish bachelor in all of Singapore and Costa Mesa. He also holds the prestigious title of President/Founder for the Little Lebowski Urban Achiever’s Group on TheFaceBook. If you’re a cute Jewish girl looking for a hottman, David Rayhan (Tentative MD) is your man. You can contact him on AIM @ ocdave84. Tell him the Shah sent you. I have attached an old picture of David on the right, though now he sports a sexy goatee.

Francis “FrannyPoo” Allen is just a rockstar. He is a rockstar in all facets of life. He brings to the team his expert knowledge in combat, illicit substances and Trivial Pursuit. It is without a doubt the reason why everyone just wants to be on his team! Pick me, Francis. Pick me! Francis graces us with his divinity only a few times a month but alas they usually last till 6 in the mornin’. Evenings include shots, wrestling, laughing and Del Taco — for which by the way — we are so very grateful. Thank you Del Taco for feeding us at the likes of 3am or 4am. On the other hand, fuck you Parking Lot 17A for always leaving us out to dry and making us park way out in BFE (aka Lot 1B).

We’re all a happy family and most importantly — get our work done, usually — well most of the time. You can check out the entire gallery of pictures from this past quarter here. Stay tuned for the newly opened and soon to be filled, Spring Quarter 2005 album. If you’re sad that you weren’t involved or mentioned, its probably because you really did not participate in the photo shoot extravaganzas. You never know when they are — so you just always have to be ready. Now that you have met the crew, you can stop wondering what I do when my rabid hands are not viciously mounting and unmounting the keyboard in the dark illuminant light of the stark evening night.

This update was brought you to by the number 6 and the letter K.

Adieu. Navid.